Today is pretty much the same as everyday. I need a kidney and there isn't one available. I hate dialysis. I've decided that I cannot do this for the rest of my life if a kidney never becomes available. It's very strange though, trying to decide how long you should live. How does a person even begin to think about how long they should try to fight in order to survive? Is it even ok that I would make this decision? I don't want to die now, I'm so young. But I can't see me living to be a grandmother while continuing dialysis.