Day one

The doctor just came in and told me some terrible news. I have end-stage renal disease, which is a terminal illness. Terminal...that word just echos in my mind. It just sounds so final, but then again I guess death is final. I keep going over the "whys" in my head and it's driving my crazy! I don't really even know what all this means. The doctor was pretty short with me, so I had to go home and do some research on my own. I wanted to call everyone I know, but at the same time I don't want them to have to bear my burden. I'm not going to tell them...at least not until I've come up with some information about the situation. After I tell them I know they're going to be firing questions at me left and right. I want to be able to answer them. I know people go to dialysis when their kidneys fail, maybe I'll do that. I need to find out about transplant options. I know people have kidney transplants successfully. I just wish I knew all of my options. I don't even know if I'm a candidate for any of these. I am more worried about my family and what this means for them than anything. How do you tell your family that you are going to die unless there is some sort of treatment option available? What am I supposed to do, send them a card in the mail? I don't think they make cards saying, "oh, by the way, I'm probably going to die." There's so much that I was worrying about that doesn't even matter now. Nothing like a diagnosis of a terminal illness to put things into perspective! I guess the only thing I can do right now is gather as much information and treatment options as possible.